The What if’s..

In life these days, the what if’s have been weighing on my mind and heart a lot lately…

What if I was still married to the man I was madly in love with 10 years ago?

What if we thought we made it and ended up resentful towards each other in a toxic marriage with children?

What if we would actually did make it through our huge dip in the road of our marriage?

Would we have been happy?

Would even I have a child or two?

What if I never moved to one of the hottest cities that had dreadfully long summers?

Would I have found out I have an auto-immune disease that is made more noticeable sometimes by heat?

Would I have met my friends now that are more like family?

Would my friendship back home flourished if I was closer to them all?

What if I never get married again?

What if it’s too late for me to have children?

Would I be who I am today?

What if, what if, what if..

I don’t know how life would of played out for my ex-husband and I at all. I don’t know if we could even have children together since we did try for awhile with no success. I don’t know who I’d be, I fear I’d be a sad, depressed wife with children trying to make my life work.

I’m not sure why I’m reviewing the old times and the what if’s of my life from the past and present.. Maybe I’m just wondering because a big birthday milestone is approaching or it’s time to let it go and just be at peace where my life has landed me.

What if all I have been through has shown me, I’m a woman who can handle her own issues that arise, I’m strong, stubborn even at times, determined to live the life I have made for myself and enjoy the love that I have in my life that has never been something I have ever experienced.

This man I love today is my rock, keeps me grounded, the one who came along at the right time in life who is caring, kind, sweet, takes care of me when I’m sick, funny and most of all the most loving man I have ever met.

So what if all you’ve been worried about all of this time is for nothing? All that you feared or are fearing is bringing you to your best life?! Go ahead re-evaluate your life to to see how far you’ve come and if you are living your life to your fullest. But don’t you dare live in the what if’s that could of been or may have happen. Love your life and live it to your best abilities.

2 thoughts on “The What if’s..

  1. I loved and really connected with this post. I’ve been having dreams consistently lately about the people from my past and where I might be if certain things went differently…but at the end of the day, when I look at my boyfriend who I love more than anything in this world, and the beautiful apartment we share (after up and moving to a completely new state! Eep!) I know that this is where I’m meant to be. And if we can overcome this disease, then we can do anything to be happy, ya? 🙂 Awesome post!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you! I’m happy that you connected with this. It’s hard sometimes to live in the moment when your mind does go there to the what if’s for sure. Life is strange and sometimes messy but so so beautiful when you see the big picture or have the ah-ha moments. 💖

    Like

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