Life after loss..

It’s been a little over two weeks since my Aunt passed away and I still don’t have the right words.

She was in the hospital for a good two weeks after having a major stroke, she had swelling of her brain that had started to release on its own, she was transferred from a private room back to ICU because she developed pneumonia. She wasn’t able to eat or drink on her own. She didn’t want a breathing or feeding tube.

I’ve had a sympathy card sitting on my table since the day after she passed to send to her husband, my sweet Uncle, but I just don’t know what else to say or really how to convey my words for his loss and mine as well.

We were not super close, we would send Christmas and birthday cards each year. This past July she had sent me photos of my father when he was younger, he passed away almost 28 years ago, and it included a picture of all of them during a holiday that made me miss my dad and being closer to his side of the family. Now a huge piece of that is gone and I’ll never know her stories first hand. I think that’s the most sad part to me. I didn’t take more time to really know her, ask her about her childhood, or adulthood times with my daddy.

I feel sadness for the loss but I haven’t cried. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because we just kept on going on with life. It keeps moving forward with out our lost loved one. We don’t truly take the time to crack open our hearts to allow the sadness to ebb in while sitting in our grief and let all of the happiness for times we will always remember in as well to say our goodbyes.

To all that have lost a love one recently or even a long time ago, I hope you sit with your pain and happiness feelings with love and gratitude to have had them in your lives if only for a short while.

Tonight, I vow to myself to take the time to feel this pain and write out the card even if it is to say I’m at a loss for words but I’m sending you so much love.

Auntie, until we meet again. I love you so, hope you are dancing and singing with your Momma and my Papa.