The What if’s..

In life these days, the what if’s have been weighing on my mind and heart a lot lately…

What if I was still married to the man I was madly in love with 10 years ago?

What if we thought we made it and ended up resentful towards each other in a toxic marriage with children?

What if we would actually did make it through our huge dip in the road of our marriage?

Would we have been happy?

Would even I have a child or two?

What if I never moved to one of the hottest cities that had dreadfully long summers?

Would I have found out I have an auto-immune disease that is made more noticeable sometimes by heat?

Would I have met my friends now that are more like family?

Would my friendship back home flourished if I was closer to them all?

What if I never get married again?

What if it’s too late for me to have children?

Would I be who I am today?

What if, what if, what if..

I don’t know how life would of played out for my ex-husband and I at all. I don’t know if we could even have children together since we did try for awhile with no success. I don’t know who I’d be, I fear I’d be a sad, depressed wife with children trying to make my life work.

I’m not sure why I’m reviewing the old times and the what if’s of my life from the past and present.. Maybe I’m just wondering because a big birthday milestone is approaching or it’s time to let it go and just be at peace where my life has landed me.

What if all I have been through has shown me, I’m a woman who can handle her own issues that arise, I’m strong, stubborn even at times, determined to live the life I have made for myself and enjoy the love that I have in my life that has never been something I have ever experienced.

This man I love today is my rock, keeps me grounded, the one who came along at the right time in life who is caring, kind, sweet, takes care of me when I’m sick, funny and most of all the most loving man I have ever met.

So what if all you’ve been worried about all of this time is for nothing? All that you feared or are fearing is bringing you to your best life?! Go ahead re-evaluate your life to to see how far you’ve come and if you are living your life to your fullest. But don’t you dare live in the what if’s that could of been or may have happen. Love your life and live it to your best abilities.

Letting it go..

We all have a hard time with letting things go that we have no control over from time to time. Yesterday afternoon something happened that irked me even into the night. I woke up thinking I could of said this or that. I was talked down to over the phone while trying to explain a process that I’ve known for over 6 years. I was also told I wasn’t articulating what was needed even though I explained what this person needed to do three different ways. I was then laughed at and told “no I’m telling you what you need to do. I don’t need to do anything.” I was so upset I just said “I’ll handle internally!” and hung up on this person. I told my boss very loudly “that guy was such a dickhead!” For one, I rarely cuss at work and usually keep my cool but this was a rare moment that I could not.

My face on the phone and the look on my entire team on the floor when I exploded..

Definition of Articulate:

My expressive language after the call was very clearly understood.. 🤭

I’m a Capricorn, have trouble letting things go and stubborn in my ways. I’ve decided today I can’t fix it and maybe we just were not understanding each other due different verbiage used.. I’m trying to let it go and will await the Team handling this escalation to provide their feedback.

Here’s to changing my mindset and to a lovely long weekend!! 💖