My Step-brother was a Mo-Fo but Cancer is worse.

It has been 2 weeks since we found out that my step-brother passed away from liver cancer, more likely Cirrhosis of the liver.

In reading the comments online from his peers, friends, some family – he was an angel of man, a funny guy, a great partner (he was a sheriff), a gentleman, a kind and loving soul.

He was a drinker and not the nicest person all the time. He was a real dick most of my memories of him with a few times of being a nice guy.

I haven’t talked to or seen my step-brother in about 13 years. My daddy hasn’t talked to him in over a year.

It was a turbulent relationship between us all, Daddy, my mom, step-siblings and their mother, really throughout the years with some years being better than others.

Standing in my kitchen watching my sweet daddy cry at my dinner table just broke my heart. I’m sure his emotions were all over the place. Stunned, grief, guilt, disbelief and finally acceptance.

Why didn’t my step-brother’s mother call to tell my daddy his one and only son passed away?

When we found out he had been sick and in the care of his biological sister, my daddy’s daughter, for over 2 months; why didn’t he call before he passed away? And why didn’t she call to tell him?

As more and more details emerged we found out that my step-brother didn’t want anyone from his father’s side of the family at his funeral. We have no idea if this is true as we know his mother is a manipulative creature.

My daddy and mom say they made peace in their hearts and minds with my step-brother. I truly hope my step-bother did too when he met his maker, whatever this maker may look like, him/her/a panda, now he has to listen.

I don’t care how much of an ass you are/were nobody deserves to have suffer or lose their loved one to that beast cancer.

May we all be at peace and meet again in the light of love.

It still breaks my heart for my parents though. It’s just not something I can fathom as I get older. People suck but most the time it’s their own issues not the people they are rude/mean too. We’re all just fighting our own internal battles and trying to survive life. Be kinder to all. 💙

Random thoughts about life..

As I sit here letting my mind wander, it starts to think of the past years, what’s happened to me, the trials and tribulations I’ve been though, the past relationships I’ve been in and the one I’m currently in with my lovey and who I am today.

I’m incredibly happy with the woman I have become. It hasn’t been easy but life is not all rainbows and unicorns.

I’m so in love at this time in my life but I wouldn’t be who I am today with out all of the mucky junk and happier times.

If I would of stayed where I was 10 years ago, I’d have been married for 14 years and with the same person for 20 years! Wow, that seems like so long to me. I don’t know if we would of made it past the things that broke us a part or if we’d have the 2 kids, 2 dogs, 2 kitties and over 7 acres of property to raise our family that we had dreamed on having. We may have had the perfect life or we may have been putting up a front to appear we had it all. I really don’t know because when we started out we were just babies and still had so much more to learn. I do look back and remember the love we had for one another. I will always love the man he was to me even after the hurt we caused one another. I’m happy to know he is loved and cared for by his lady.

My dreams have shifted so much due to the things that have happened to me. I moved to a new State to start fresh. I lost my beloved little kitty, Behr, within a few months of my fresh start. I was diagnosed in summer with MS that same year. I made new friends and lost some as well. I’ve been to a bunch of concerts and on Lovely trips. I made so many mistakes with letting my heart go after the wrong ones. I found love again that was truly a person I am meant to be with and we’re building a life together.

We’ve always wanted a place of our own to call ours. We’ve owned our little home now for over 4 years that we’ve made together with our 2 little furbabies. We absolutely love animals and would adopt them all if We had some acres up north or in Montana, maybe some day we will. We talk about where we want to go in the future with our lives and we talk about babies, the Human kind and adopting more with fur. We don’t know what the universe has in store for us. We have travel trips planned and our life that we want to achieve. We know ups and downs will happen but we are stronger together and we’re looking forward to the best times of our life together. 💖