A week full of new to me MS information…

I had not seen my neurologist in over 3 years and decided I needed to check my over health with him due to the length of time not seeing him. I knew an MRI would be needed and other tests done.

So here goes the recap best I can remember it all.

06/10/2019: With my lovey by my side, My appointment – My neurologist was shocked I hadn’t been In for so long and wondering why his office didn’t call me to do a checkup or schedule sooner. The appointment consisted of a reflex text – little baby soft hammer o the knees, balance test – how much do you wobble back and forth with your eyes closed, strength test – put a leg up, hold on tight to chair while seated and fight him pushing down on leg, it was weaker than it had been on the last visit, a look in the eyes with a bright flashlight, a chat on how I’m doing mentally, physically – the urgent urge to pee frequently, sometimes I don’t make it, tighten of left knee, discussion of new meds to take – a lot of new approved pills, IV treatments, or stay on my Avonex that was a weekly injection (not my favorite Saturday night ritual- takes medication out of fridge at least 30 minutes before, take some alleve 1 hours before, numb injection spot with ice, prepare the needle, inject the shot that sometimes hurt due to not numb enough or hit a vein, take more alleve then wait up for an hour to make sure no odd reactions, or chose to try new medication in a pill form.

MRI appointment to be set, blood work needed, refer to Urologist and family Dr. provided. Vitals taken and then the nurse with the Information overload on new medication came in – dosage, things to look out for and be aware of.

06/12/2019: Urologist appointment set up for an 8am timeframe so that’ll be fun trying to get to the appointment and not pee until I get there. 😬 No smoothie for breakfast that day!

06/13/2019: MRI with and without contrast scheduled for the same day as my Urologist because why not get a full round of tests in a day. 🙄 Im hoping for a visit to where I don’t have to have them stop during the MRI because I have to pee. My new medication was scheduled for overnight delivery of the trail period.

06/14/2019: New prescription arrives early and I’ve been nervous and trying to be prepared to start tonight. The schedule is 1 pill lower dose for 2 weeks, then 1 pill higher dose two weeks then recommend full dose for the near future.

They have me starting 1 pill of 120mg once a day at dinner for two weeks. Then I do 1 pill of 240mg once a day at dinner for two weeks. After that I do 240mg twice daily with my breakfast and dinner.

It’s been weighing heavy on my mind due to some new possible side effects. Flushing – warming and redness of the skin (I can take baby aspirin at next dosage if it is bad) and GI symptoms – heartburn and having diarrhea does not sound fun.

Also I’ve been thinking about some of my other symptoms that I’ve always have had but paid closer attention to this past week. A little off balance walking because I’m a pro at tripping on flat surfaces, some tingling and numbness – like my arm was asleep but waking up with pins and needles. Were they signs that I was missing or just shrugged them off due to thinking they were possibly normal issues that could occur?

The tightness in my left knee is becoming more noticeable. I have noticed that I have a little bit more tingling in my left arm, my left hand aches a bit and feels weak when I wake up. But when it’s hot in this Arizona summer, things ache a little bit more and feel tighter.

I’m hoping for a smooth sailing weekend and month of no issues in this transition from Avonex to Tecfidera.

The What if’s..

In life these days, the what if’s have been weighing on my mind and heart a lot lately…

What if I was still married to the man I was madly in love with 10 years ago?

What if we thought we made it and ended up resentful towards each other in a toxic marriage with children?

What if we would actually did make it through our huge dip in the road of our marriage?

Would we have been happy?

Would even I have a child or two?

What if I never moved to one of the hottest cities that had dreadfully long summers?

Would I have found out I have an auto-immune disease that is made more noticeable sometimes by heat?

Would I have met my friends now that are more like family?

Would my friendship back home flourished if I was closer to them all?

What if I never get married again?

What if it’s too late for me to have children?

Would I be who I am today?

What if, what if, what if..

I don’t know how life would of played out for my ex-husband and I at all. I don’t know if we could even have children together since we did try for awhile with no success. I don’t know who I’d be, I fear I’d be a sad, depressed wife with children trying to make my life work.

I’m not sure why I’m reviewing the old times and the what if’s of my life from the past and present.. Maybe I’m just wondering because a big birthday milestone is approaching or it’s time to let it go and just be at peace where my life has landed me.

What if all I have been through has shown me, I’m a woman who can handle her own issues that arise, I’m strong, stubborn even at times, determined to live the life I have made for myself and enjoy the love that I have in my life that has never been something I have ever experienced.

This man I love today is my rock, keeps me grounded, the one who came along at the right time in life who is caring, kind, sweet, takes care of me when I’m sick, funny and most of all the most loving man I have ever met.

So what if all you’ve been worried about all of this time is for nothing? All that you feared or are fearing is bringing you to your best life?! Go ahead re-evaluate your life to to see how far you’ve come and if you are living your life to your fullest. But don’t you dare live in the what if’s that could of been or may have happen. Love your life and live it to your best abilities.